Getting your invites right is essential. In today's modern world there are many different ways of inviting people to your wedding or civil partnership. A short guide:
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It takes time to decide on stationary so start you research as soon as possible asking for samples from the suppliers
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If having them printed, double and triple check spelling, dates and times on the proof given by your supplier before you confirm the order
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Allow time to get people's addresses as you will always have guests on your list for whom you cannot find a recent address
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Ensure you have the correct spelling for people names (including their partners)
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Keep a list of who is invited, their responses, your B and perhaps C list of alternative guests, and, most importantly, get them out on time
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Traditionally the Bride's Mother compiles and sends out the wedding invites but these days often the couple likes to keep control of this task themselves. It's up to you
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The invites typically go out six weeks in advance but we recommend at least three months.
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Save the Date emails or cards are only useful if sent six months or more in advance (see below)
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It is up to you what style of card (usually at a weight of at least 600gsm), what colour, shape and fonts you use.
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Increasingly people put in other information that might be needed (see below) and whilst reply cards are useful for those too lazy to send a card or letter themselves, they are not essential. Most people should be able to rustle up a card to reply on
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Be prepared to have to chase people - there will always be at least one person who does not reply - if this is in their nature anyway, grit you teeth and forgive them but don't wait for it to happen, pick up the phone and chase them, it will save any grief on the day!
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People drop out very close to the day, do not be embarrassed to "bump" people up to attending the full day that were only previously attending the evening reception. People know a wedding is expensive and places limited and they might appreciate it. It only takes a phone call
Save The Date
Firstly, once you have your venues booked (and confirmed) you may want to make sure that guests that are key to your day are informed of the date. This is helpful if the wedding is sometime in the future - more than six months away is a good rule of thumb - and vital if you have chosen a special time of year e.g. Christmas or a bank holiday for example. At this stage it is not vital that you have your full guest list finalised but you probably have a very good idea of those such as close family and friends who need to be there
So what do you say? Basically, keep it simple, a full formal invite will be sent so no need to be too stuffy this early on:
David Door and Hermione Hinge would like to announce their wedding date as Saturday 1st July 2012 and would like you to save the date to join them to celebrate. Invitations to follow.
Invitation Wording
Traditional, formal wording always starts with the host's name, typically the bride's parents. :
Mr and Mrs Malcolm Mountjoy
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Margaret
to Mr Philip Potts
at St Agatha's Church, Chelsea,
on Saturday, 22nd April
at 1.00 o'clock
and afterwards at
The Ritz
R.S.V.P.
The Cottage
Cole-on-the-Wold
Cottswoldshire
CC1 3QW
If the hosts are the couple themselves, it would read:
Miss Francesca Faucet and Mr Bertram Bump
request the pleasure of your company at their marriage etc
Gay Ceremonies
For gay couples traditional invites would look like:
Mr and Mrs James Joy
request the pleasure of your company
at the civil partnership of their son
Mark
to Mr Daniel Dare
at Marylebone Registry Office, London,
on Saturday, 1st May
at 1.30 o'clock
and afterwards at
The Hilton, Mayfair
R.S.V.P.
16 Cavendish Place
Lyme Regis
LL8 2PQ
If the hosts are the couple themselves, it would read:
Miss Susan Sand and Miss Rosemary Radish
request the pleasure of your company at their civil partnership etc
Note that if a gay couple wants to call it marriage rather than civil partnership there is no law against it!
Alternative Wording
If family relationships are complicated (and often they are) here are a few possible alternatives:
| Only one parent | Mrs Malcolm Mountjoy requests etc |
| If parents divorced but not remarried | Mr Malcolm Mountjoy and Mrs Mary Mountjoy etc |
| If one parent is remarried | Mr Malcolm Mountjoy and Mrs Mary McQuardle etc |
| If one parent and new spouse are hosting | Mr and Mrs Martin McQuardle request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of her daughter etc |
| If parents are deceased and another family member is hosting | Mr and Mrs John Jacket request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their niece etc |
| If non married family are hosting such as brothers, their names should be repeated | Mr Xavier Mountjoy and Mr Sebastian Mountjoy request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their sister etc |
| The relationship of the host to the bride should be mentioned | Mrs June Jolly requests the pleasure of your company at the marriage of her step-daughter etc |
| The bride can host the wedding herself | Miss Adelaide Allbright requests the pleasure of your company at her marriage to Mr Kevin Knight etc. |
| Invite for blessing after a civil marriage | Miss Adelaide Allbright and Mr Kevin Knight request the pleasure of your company at a service of blessing following their marriage etc. |
Note that the bride's name usually does not use her surname on the invite where she is not the host unless it is for clarity or a widow (Jane, widow of Mr John Jones) or divorced (Mrs Jane Jones)
Invitations to Wedding Reception only
These would read:
Mr and Mrs Malcolm Mountjoy
request the pleasure of your company
at a reception following the marriage
of their daughter Margaret
to Mr Philip Potts
on Saturday, 22nd April
at The Ritz
8.00 o'clock
R.S.V.P.
The Cottage
Cole-on-the-Wold
Cottswoldshire
CC1 3QW
Note that if there are food choices, directions, accommodation suggestions, etc. these too can be printed on matching cards or if there is a lot of information, printing on nice paper is quite acceptable. All this information must go out at the same time as the invite itself.
Some people go to the length of setting up a website with all their wedding information but often simplest is best.
Cancellations
Should it be necessary to cancel or postpone a wedding a simple card is sent, stating:
Owing to the sudden death of Mr Harold Hump, Mrs Hump regrets that she is obliged to cancel the invitations
to the marriage of her daughter Hazel, to Mr Gavin Gusset on Thursday 12th October etc.
After a suitable passage of time, the arrangements can go ahead with invites going out again. Crucial to remember here is that it is the invite that gets cancelled not the wedding but should it be that the engagement is broken off, the correct wording is simply:
Mr and Mrs Harold Hump announce that the marriage of their daughter,
Hazel, to Mr Gavin Gusset, which was arranged for Thursday 12th October will not take place.
What to put on the Envelope
Note that whilst not put on the invite itself, full names and titles (and decorations) are used:
Miss Eleanor Ellis
Mr Clive Cellar or Clive Cellar Esq.
Sir John Jolly OBE
And finally: the question of children...
If inviting children, be sure and put their names on the envelope or give them their own invite - they love this touch. Note that if "and Family" is not put on the invitation envelope, your guests will rightly assume that their children are not invited but beware, often people miss this (or pretend to) and turn up with children on the day which is disastrous for your plan and embarrassing for everyone.
Decide what your policy is and speak, or write, individually to the parents and explain your policy e.g. it is a small venue and seats therefore are precious, or budget is an issue; if they offer to pay for their children, politely but firmly say that would cause difficulties for your relationship with your other guests who cannot afford to be so generous. Be clear it is not because you dislike the children in question; it is just that you cannot please everyone. If they persist, or take offence, you need to decide why you are inviting them in the first place!
