It is a great honour to be asked to be Best Man. Typically, well at least in northern Europe and North America, the Best Man is the Groom's closest friend or brother. Some believe that the Best Man derives from ancient customs of marriage by kidnapping, or from defending the Groom from would-be kidnappers.
Around the world there are slightly different customs to those which prevail in Europe. For example, in Greek Eastern Orthodox weddings, the Best Man is often also the koumbaros or religious sponsor, and is traditionally the Groom's godfather. In some areas, this person also pays for all the wedding expenses! In Ukraine a Best Man is responsible for guarding the bride during the wedding festivities. When he or the Groom steps away, the bride gets "kidnapped" or has a shoe stolen. Then the Groom or the Best Man must pay a ransom in exchange for returning the bride, usually by paying money (which is given to the bride) or by doing something embarrassing. In Uganda a Best Man is expected to guide the newlyweds in the ways of marriage. This means that ideally a Best Man must be married, preferably to one wife and should be in position to give sound, tried and tested advice. In Bhutan the Best Man presents himself at the wedding as a ceremonial guardian to both bride and Groom. Thereafter he entertains the guests, sometimes for several hours. What is done is Bhutan is all well and good but we do not advise constant entertainment from the Best Man!
Key tips to choosing your Best Man
-
Will they be happy to do it - or is it a case of only doing "if they have to"?
-
Can they give an interesting speech?
-
Does the potential Best Man get on well enough with the Bride?
-
Are they organised enough to be helpful rather than a hindrance?
-
Are they good in a crisis should anything go wrong?
-
Will they be sensible enough to look after the ring and anything else e.g. money on the day?
-
Are they available, not only for the day itself, but also before the wedding to help out
The duties of the Best Man
The role of Best Man can be nerve-wracking as people will always comment on the role, usually because they don't want to put pressure on the Bride or Groom; comments like "really looking forward to the speech" can be meant harmless enough but can make any Best Man feel even more nervous. So the knack here is to know your responsibilities, step up to the challenge, keep a cool head and just get on with this honoured role!
So what are the duties? Well the main ones are:
-
Organising the stag do
-
Looking after the Groom on the stag do and on the wedding day
-
Being in charge of all the other ushers and being the main gopher on the day
-
Being a trouble-shooter and trying to head off any problems that might arise on the day
-
Being custodian of the rings prior to the ceremony
-
Giving one of the keynote speeches
Other duties may include:
-
Helping choose the ushers
-
Ordering the wedding car for the Groom and himself on the day (or driving him to the church himself)
-
Checking the buttonholes are ordered and there on the day for the Groom, himself and the ushers
So basically you have to keep your wits about you. The best rule for this is not to drink too much, especially if you are prone to nerves. A couple of drinks is OK but remember it is not your day and you are repaying the honour given to you be giving a great speech and by helping out throughout the day.
As for the speech, please see our speeches page for further guidance. Keep it clean, short, gentle humour, don't mention exes or sex, be genuine and kind and you will be doing alright. No one is expecting a nightclub routine and you are not the star of the show - that is the happy couple!
